i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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