why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
