ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
