wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I checked into jail on foursquare
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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