I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
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I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
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I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Randomize