I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
