Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
