Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
This is my gift to your gina
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
