I should be sponsored by Trojan
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
