I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
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He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
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THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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