whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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