is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize