I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
