i permit you to call me
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
