well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
