I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Randomize
