i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
