I wish I could punch you in the face.
I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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