hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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