The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
you're hired as official boob wrangler
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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