We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I want to be your penis for a week.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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