WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I am one with the molecules
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
soo... how was my night?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
