how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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