Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
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I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
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I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
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