Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
