You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
