Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
