is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
