Don't you send me to vm
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
either way he was missing a nipple.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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