i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Randomize
