mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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