He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
