Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
