I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
