but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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