if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
