They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
No subtext here. People are naked.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
