id be glad to
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
