she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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