I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Lo siento on account of my penis...
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
