I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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