just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
Ladies don't puke and tell
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
