ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize
