my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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