How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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