She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
