he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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