I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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