I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
