Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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