Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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