YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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