what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
