perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
