Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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